As one of my teachers, Angelo Dilullo, describes, “beliefs are hidden thoughts.” This resonates deeply with me. A belief is like an underlying current that shapes our experience of life, often without us even realizing it. It’s something you belief about yourself, the world, a situation or a feeling. And often they are unquestioned and not in your awareness, but they are there, constantly. Kind of like pushed away, hidden, because maybe, it’s quite painful to approach?
One of the beliefs that dominated my life for a long time was the idea that I was “not good enough.” This took on many forms—feeling that I was too sensitive, ugly, too curious, too expressive, or simply flawed in some way.
These beliefs were also tied to powerful emotions like shame, anxiety, and fear. And over the years, certain experiences in my life seemed to reinforce them, becoming a kind of unspoken truth I carried with me. In a sense, this is how trauma can form: repeated affirmations of a belief that limit our sense of self.
It wasn’t until I began meditation to observe my thoughts, feelings and emotions more closely that I started to see these “hidden thoughts” in action. These beliefs had gone unquestioned for so long that they felt like an unchangeable part of who I was. But as I gained more awareness, I realized that many of these beliefs weren’t actually true.
Disclaimer: This is not something that can be fully grasped intellectually. It’s an experience you must have in your own mind and body, a process of observing your thoughts and emotions in different situations. When you bring awareness to these hidden thoughts, and be open, vulnerable, question them, you can start to see through them. And that is where real change begins.
