Judgment is something we all experience and engage in, often without realizing it. Whether it’s directed toward others or ourselves, it can be a persistent barrier to deeper connection, curiosity, and openness. For me, judgment has often stood in the way of offering a simple, genuine smile to someone or showing a deeper interest in their experiences.
In my journey I’ve been keeping track of my own judgements towards others and also other people’s judgement towards me. Now a days when I notice other people judgement towards me I try to even get more curious, because that is probably a sign of their own pain.
You can even watch Ted Lasso, there is a very nice scene about judgment in Season 1, Episode 8, titled “The Diamond Dogs”. It’s a great show anyway!
“All them fellas that used to belittle me, not a single one of them was curious. You know, they thought they had everything all figured out, so they judged everything, and they judged everyone”
Judgment as a Reflection of Self
One thing I’ve noticed is that judgment toward others often mirrors judgment toward ourselves. When I’m critical of others, it usually points to an internal pattern of self-criticism. This is something I’ve had to face in myself repeatedly. I’ve judged myself harshly for years—how I look, particularly my face, and how others perceive me. As I carried these self-judgments, I began projecting them outward. Thoughts like “I am smarter,” “I am better than you,” or “You’re not good enough” often arose, reflecting how deeply insecure and bad I felt about myself.
Becoming aware of these patterns is a profound step toward breaking free from them. It’s not always easy, but it’s essential for cultivating more fruitful conversations and genuine connections.
But here’s something important: don’t get judgmental about being judgmental. It’s just happening, out of habit. These patterns often reflect something within us that we haven’t yet accepted. It’s like I’ve written before: your world is created by your mind, and your mind is created by the world around you. This cycle of judgment is not your fault—it’s simply a part of your conditioning.
The Vipassana Reflection
I remember an experience during a Vipassana meditation retreat with my girlfriend. Afterward, we reflected on how much time we had spent silently judging others—those who didn’t follow the schedule, broke the silence, or didn’t seem to take the practice as seriously as we did. Looking back, we were surprised by how automatic those judgments were. Why does the mind do this? Was it even necessary in that situation?
In hindsight, those judgments were distractions, pulling us away from the purpose of the retreat: self-awareness and compassion. These moments made it clear how judgment can limit our capacity for curiosity and connection, even in settings designed for deep inner work.
The Impact of Judgment
Judgment very very often in the way of you having a deeper connection. When we judge, we close ourselves off from the depth and richness of another person. Once I set judgment aside, I’ve found that conversations naturally deepen. I become more curious, open, and interested in others’ experiences. The natural flow of dialogue emerges, unburdened by the weight of preconceived notions or criticisms.
Judgment doesn’t just affect the one doing the judging—it’s also felt by those on the receiving end. When someone judges you, you can sense it—an emptiness in the interaction or even pain, as if you’re not good enough in their eyes. And for those unaware of the judgment, it can still leave a mark, as they might unconsciously internalize it and question their own worth.
Ignorance and the Roots of Judgment
Over time, I’ve begun to view judgment with a sense of compassion, even when it’s directed at me. Judgment often stems from ignorance. In Buddhist teachings, ignorance isn’t about a lack of intelligence but a lack of understanding, curiosity, and openness.
When we judge, we’re often coming from a place of “I am better than you” or “I know better.” It’s a lack of awareness of the complexity and humanity of the other person. But this ignorance is not inherently bad—it simply shows us where we haven’t yet brought awareness or acceptance.
Moving Beyond Judgment
So, what can we do about judgment?
There’s no quick fix, but we can take responsibility for it by becoming aware and learning to accept what judgment is pointing to. Here are some steps that have helped me:
- Awareness: Notice when judgment arises. What triggers it? What does it reveal about your internal state?
- Curiosity: Instead of judging, try to be curious. What might this person’s experience be like? What can I learn from them? Remember, judgment often means there’s something you haven’t accepted in yourself yet.
- Compassion: Recognize that everyone, including yourself, is doing the best they can with the understanding they have at the moment.
- Practice: Letting go of judgment is an ongoing practice. Meditation, mindfulness, and reflective conversations can all help cultivate this awareness.
When we release judgment, we create space for something deeper to emerge: genuine curiosity, connection, and openness. We allow ourselves to see others and ourselves more clearly, free from the filters of criticism and comparison.
Judgment may never fully disappear, but with awareness and intention, we can loosen its grip on our lives. For me, this journey has been incredibly rewarding. Each step toward awareness feels deeply worthwhile.
So, how about you? Where do you see judgment arising in your life? And what might it be pointing you toward?